Find the Daddy!

Brian came home last night from a 6 day trip out of state. He doesn't travel often and this is the longest that he's ever been away from Ri. We both missed him terribly for so many reasons, but mostly because our house just isn't as much fun without him.

About a year ago, we took a family vacation. This was right around the time when Ri was just starting to string a few words together to form broken sentences. She loved having us all to herself and it quickly became obvious that she wanted us all to stay together. If either one of her parents ventured out of her sight, we would hear: "Find the Mommy!" or "Find the Daddy!".

I've always known I was lucky, but the last 6 days just made me appreciate it even more. We have truly a wonderful co-parenting partnership in addition to a beautiful relationship.

I’m happy to report that I have found the Daddy and am looking forward to spending a lovely weekend with my family. I have been blessed.

Wait we will

See I told you I wasn't a blogger. My goal is to post an update at least weekly, but it sure looks like I'm going to need to set some reminders for myself. If you know me 'in real life' then you know I'm a relatively private person. Sharing my thoughts and feelings in such a public forum simply doesn't come easy to me.

Last week we attended our first waiting family meeting. These meetings are held quarterly by our agency to offer both support and education to those waiting for a domestic placement. This session was a Q&A format with a panel of birth moms who had given birth anywhere from 1 1/2 years ago to 2 months ago. It was a fascinating discussion as each of the mom's had a different story and were in obviously different stages of the grieving process. I was truly touched by their courage and determination to provide the best life possible for their child even when faced with their family's objection to an adoption plan.

Toward the end of the session, a question was asked about what characteristics the birth moms looked for when choosing an adoptive family. There were varying answers, but one item was consistent across the group. They were each looking for a family who did not have other children.

Sigh....

This did not come as a huge surprise. I was prepared, but it was still disappointing to hear. I knew going into this that having a child, especially a biological one, would not be in our favor. Right or wrong, there tends to be much greater sympathy, at least initially, for couples without any children. Then of course there may also be concerns about someones ability to love another child as much as a biological child.

Let me say this...secondary infertility sucks. I would never compare my hurt with another woman's, but since I've been through both primary and secondary fertility issues, I can certainly compare my own experiences. My heart aches now just as much as it did when we were trying to get pregnant the first time. Only this time I know what I'm missing:

• the sweet smell of baby
• all the firsts...smiles, teeth, steps
• the snuggles
• the babbles
• those tiny little hands and oh so soft feet that have never been walked on
• the shear joy so readable on their face at discovering something new
• the never ending list of "Mommy, why..." questions

With each phase that comes to an end with Ri, I'm saddened at the thought of never experiencing it again.

As much as I loved being pregnant, I happily gave away all my maternity clothes within days of deciding to pursue adoption. Our basement, however, is beginning to look a lot like Babies R Us. I've given away a few of Ri's clothes here and there, but have held on to everything else. I'm at peace with not giving birth to another child, but I'm not giving up on the desire to parent another child. There is no doubt what-so-ever of our capacity to love another baby to the fullest extent possible, however God chooses to bring it to us.

Let the Blogging Begin!

I'm not a blogger and I'm definitely not a writer, but I am a mom with a mission.


We've endured a long and painful journey through infertility (both primary & secondary). While we are beyond thankful for our beautiful daughter, our desire to have another child has never wavered - not once. We've moved on to adoption knowing that, without a doubt, there is a baby out there who needs us. We have faith in God's plan that the right child will be led to our family. We're both thrilled and excited to have started this new adoption journey and are ready to love and laugh with a new little person.


I love projects, especially those with milestones, so the first part of the this process has been a piece of cake. Our home study is complete, books read, classes taken, bio written, and pictures cropped and glued on all the profile copies. Now comes the hard part, we wait...We wait until chosen by a birth mother.


Okay, I can wait - just don't expect me to do so quietly.

Today most adoptions are independent adoptions in which babies are found by adoptive parents through word-of-mouth or other networking and the legal arrangements are handled by private attorneys or agencies. Additionally, birth parents are doing their own searching.

How can you help? You may not think you know anyone who is considering planning an adoption, but chances are that you may know someone who knows someone. So here I am, a non-blogging, non-writing mom who has set out to spread the word across the blogosphere that my amazing, loving family has room for one more. You can help by spreading the word.

We are working with a great agency called Adoption Associates , Inc. Although they are located in Michigan, AAI is able to work with birth parents in every state and they will provide or arrange for an agency to provide counseling for the birth parents, wherever they are. Birth parents can contact us directly by emailing us at: BrianandStacey.adopting@gmail.com or they can call Adoption Associates at 1-800-677-2367. Birth parents should be sure they identify right away that they are calling to make contact with "Brian & Stacey".